she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
