Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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