is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
