Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
