Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
