so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
