If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
