Your dad touched me again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
