he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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