HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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