Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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