My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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