a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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