Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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