I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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