I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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