whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
