so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
