people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
