I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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