so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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