Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
sex in a hospital.. check
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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