I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
