The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
