your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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