Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
