But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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