i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My life is pants optional.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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