I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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