omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
