So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
