I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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