bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
