what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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