I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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