She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
