What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
