you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
