Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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