Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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