I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
