No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
