So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
