jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
