Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
