I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
