the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at about main and main street
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
