Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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