It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
