what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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